Finally, the day has come... I can say goodbye to my Teddybear...
First I got over you, and we both know you made it easy for me to do. Then I started my journey to rebuild my life and everything you took from me. That wasn't so easy. I made it through the darkest days without you, even though I was scared and alone. You promised that if we ever parted ways, you would be compassionate towards me and honor our long life together, and at the very least, you would honor me as the mother of your child, but then she convinced you to throw that away and erase everything as though it never happened because honoring me, the mother of your child, insulted her and made her insecure. I was your sunshine, your babygirl, your china doll, your one true love, and you were my everything. You were my Teddybear, my one and only true best friend, my buddy, my world, my soulmate... so I thought. It was you and me against the world. We had a relationship that everyone envied. Even our friends protected our relationship. No one dared to ever try to come between us. It was a fairytale that was nothing short of magical in almost every way... Until her.
So unlike you, I took time to heal and grow and reflect. Two years and two months to be exact. I prayed that God would heal my heart so that I would no longer be crippled by the memory of you. Yesterday, my prayers were answered. I had that moment I've been waiting for. Nothing triggered it, it just came out of nowhere. The moment where I could truly bid you farewell and say goodbye. I am no longer crippled by the pain you caused when you threw our life away. I am no longer hurt by the fact that you would choose to move another woman into our family home where we raised our family, less than a month after throwing me away breaking your promise of marriage counseling, because... that might have saved us, and then I wouldn't be happy in this beautiful place my life is in now.
I know that even though it looked like it, our marriage was not perfect by any means. I know many days we had to choose love because it didn't come easy. We fought a lot, but we loved even harder than we fought. I know we went through heaven and hell together, but we always stood by one another and never let the other fall. I know that we shared the most beautiful miracle together when I gave you the daughter you always wanted. We would stay up all night just talking, all the time, praying together, bonding, laughing and watching reruns until sunrise. Any human being on the planet with any common sense at all knows for a fact that no human being on earth can just throw that kind of love away and erase it like it never happened. Period. even if someone tries to force them to, no matter the circumstances. If you don't take the time to heal and reflect, you hold no chance of true happiness with anyone. That's just common knowledge. I know the beautiful words I spoke to you from the heart, and you to me, have been repeated to her as though on a repeating loop.
I know you have said beautiful words to her that I said to you and brought tears of joy to your eyes. Recycling at it's finest. You have twisted stories, brought up old drama from when we were 20 years old and immature and made up your own one sided versions and convinced her and anyone that will listen that I made you miserable and ruined your life, but what they believe is not important. We both know the truth and we both know we had a love that most people would die for. Never perfect, but always precious. Those were YOUR words. Everyone seen that we could argue, fuss and fight and still love each other like there was no tomorrow. We never once went to bed angry and we never walked out during an argument. Not once. That was a gift from God. Not many can do that.
It took some time to get use to it, but I haven't had to deal with yelling or fighting or complaining or bitching or any negativity since you left me. I have a life of peace. Yet you tried to convince everyone, including yourself, that I was the problem. I guess now we know I wasn't. So, I am no longer trying to understand why you made the choices you did, that you admitted to me you so clearly regretted, but held on to because you're older and don't want to be alone. I am no longer paralyzed by the pain of your many affairs with other women over the years, that I forgave, over and over. I remember the promises we made to each other and to our child, and my heart is full knowing I kept ALL of mine, even in separation and divorce while you kept none of yours. Not even one. I promised to use our separation wisely and heal, and grow, and reflect and mature and become the amazing woman you deserved because you had me convinced I wasn't already. So that's exactly what I did. But as it turns out, I didn't do it for you. And as it turns out, I was pretty damn amazing already, you just took me for granted.
I pray you find peace and happiness and hopefully along the way, you reclaim the honor you once held in such high regard when I knew you as a true man who did right by his family. I pray that you are blessed with all the things I already gave you that you took for granted, and hope that you learn to appreciate them. I pray that you are loved without rules and conditions to feed insecurities to someone that tries so hard to replicate what we once had, knowing full well, it can't be done. We were the "It" couple. The couple that everyone admired. The couple that gave everyone hope that true love really existed. You threw that all away for conditions, rules, fights, betrayals, breakups, competition for love and secrets. I pray that God removes all that negativity from your life. You deserve to be truly happy with your new life. I want you both to thrive and prosper and be truly happy. Not just facebook happy.
I never ran, I never left you, I never betrayed you, I never cheated, I never wandered and I never broke you down. And I certainly never made you compete for my love. I pray that your next love honors you that same way. But most of all, I pray that you heal. You deserve to be honored and loved and cherished as I once did for you in every way, even when we fought. But with all that being said... You don't deserve ME. A man capable of throwing away unconditional love that is honored and respected in all ways humanly possible, will never be good enough for me. Thank you Jesus, I am free of you. I am free of the pain. I made the climb to rebuild my life and I did it without you.
The best I can figure is you were never really mine, and I was never yours. I want to believe I was just a stepping stone in life to show you how to love truly and without condition, so you would be ready for her when she came into your life. God works in mysterious ways. Either way, thank you for 23 beautiful years together. Thank you for loving me in your own way. Thank you for making be believe I had the world. I will treasure it always, but I have to let it go.
I thank God these lyrics no longer bring me pain, but instead, they make me smile... "Let them tell me love's not worth going through, but when it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart, the only dream that mattered had come true. In this life, I was loved by you." Thank you for loving me enough to let me go and giving me the chance to be truly happy. Thank you for setting me free.
I have unliked/unfollowed pages that remind me of the pain I endured from you. I have removed all mutual friends. I have removed all memory of you from plain site. I have rid myself of all lingering reminders of you and reclaimed my heart. From this moment on, I will not speak of you or the pain you caused. I'm over it. I'm done. Because of her, you can't even have a necessary, healthy conversation with me regarding our precious child that is just beginning her adult life and needs us both. That is sad. And if you have any honor left in you, you will put a stop to her disrespecting the memory of our family publicly with her posts and retaliations. We have a child together and she deserves to have the memory of our family respected and honored.
I pray God blesses you in so many wonderful ways with healing, happiness and love as he has given me. I truly wish that for you. I want you to thrive and grow and love and succeed. I wish this for you because we were soulmates, but we both know... your words and your heart may live on, but your soul died the day you lost me. Goodbye, and God Bless.